I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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