garbage
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you win
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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