I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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