why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dick very happy bro
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize