You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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