I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
