i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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