Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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