I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
