dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
