who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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