I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
