Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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