After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
