I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
