i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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