brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
