Pants 0. Shit 1.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize