Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
