Pants 0. Shit 1.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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