I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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