Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize