Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
