His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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