he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
im six kinds of drunk right now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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