It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
