Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
