I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
