Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
