Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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