I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
