Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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