the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize