so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There's always time for handjobs
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
