I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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