Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
