It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
