That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
