new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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