TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Someone came in the potted fern
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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