found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
