I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
ttyl tear gas
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize