i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
