i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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