There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It's blow job season.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
