Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize