I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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