He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
