I want to have your abortion
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
