birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
