i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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