Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Pooping to opera.
Come on in and take your pants off
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
