Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
