My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
