I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
