I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
