it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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