D3 body, D1 cock
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
