Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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