glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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