Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
