He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
