apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
