She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
