wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think my vagina is haunted
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
