i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
