Can i not drive my cunt home
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
