Already got asked if we're dating
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize