Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
