sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
