Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
