if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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